Sometimes I pick up some strings and sing about my day. Intuition, finding the zone, or letting it flow, are a huge part of climbing. It is the same with music and art. I train myself to follow my heart. I train to give in to intuition.
I finally feel like my life is coming together. It is clearly an ongoing process that will never cease, as I will always strive to be a better man.
My routine here is getting to feel comfortable, and I am beginning to feel at home. It has been a long time since I have truly felt comfortable and in control in a house. Leaving the ‘real world’ to go meditate in the mountains in 2016 set me back, and I still do not even own a bed. Life is good though. I have a bike, a room full of gear, my dog, good friends, and everything I need to train for alpinism.
I have not been running much in the mornings of late and that needs to change. My morning meditation and yoga routine, followed by breakfast and working out, is going well and I feel complete. Afternoons are walks, studying, gardening, and music.
I ordered internet today and aquired a kitchen table, plus some bedroom furniture, so I feel mega adult-ish at the moment. I have a bill in my name, a bank card, and a tenancy agreement. My not-so-busy life is non-stop. I am active all day long and I expect to become more active soon. Having a home, a garden, and a community to be a part of has brightened my smile to a level I never thought possible. Well, if I was on the rope more, she could be brighter I suppose.
If you want to choose this prison as a sentence to pain, then so be it. There are other ways to spend your time here, and for me it is escaping to the mountains.
Life goes on. Things grow. People change. The thing that gets me out of the bed in the morning is my plans. I have plans to do some serious mountains. I need to train. I need to look after myself so that I am able to follow through with what has been set up. And this is what keeps me going.
The people I meet on a day to day basis here in BC is an eye opener. Daily. It is a non-stop deal. I am constantly reminded of my place, where I am, and what life can be to those who take it on their knees.
I love that I have the escape I do. My freedom here is self chosen, and by doing so I am giving up many luxuries that many could not deal with. I do not have a TV. A computer. Not even wifi. My days are spent on foot. I live this life, finding epic daily. I strive to have fun, but also be prepared.
Life is truly what you make it. This place is a prison, but it is the nicest one in the galaxy.
If your brain is a computer, and your pineal is connecting you to the grid, do you ever need a software upgrade?
The problem with this thinking, that we can somehow better ourselves with training, is that it is wrong. There is an issue within each of us. Such is the nature of humanity. The original sin if you will. We all are corrupt. If you love the bread, do you toss the whole bag when one piece has mold? If you have lived like I have, you don’t.
Every part of us is cherished. No energy can be created, nor destroyed. As many times as we, as this concious energy, have gone through the cycle, our energy is still here, hopefully growing.
We are hardly growing, or have not been. Things are changing. Times are different now. There is a hold, stagnation of sin. Stagnation of previous instinct. The Balance needed between community and the self is as ever present. The shedding of ego must go on for most of us, as we are a survival species, suffering from a catastrophic amnesia. To prevail in any hard time to come, the Balance must be found.
To find your balance on a wall, on a ridge walk, or in your life, it takes great strength. A strength that most of us do not have. Training will hardly improve us enough to make this work. Instead we must throw off the balance by leaning far past centre, into unknown territory, pushing past and letting go of the holds we feel comfortable in.
Am I training to let go? If that is a training at all, then yes. It is not always about a software upgrade to better ourselves, it is about removing the virus. Removing the limiter we place on ourselves.
Today I struggle. I am back to routine, but am dying for more. I feel like I need to be training more, yet there is nothing to be done but wait, reflect, and let go.
Today I ran barefoot. It was an experience that just happened. I take off my shoes from time to time on the trail. I did it as a kid, just not like this.
I reconnected with myself. I reconnected with nature. I reconnected with my roots.
The truth of the matter is that I was urged to do this while conversing with my favourite person in the world, if I could choose a favourite. She opened my mind, and I opened my heart to her words, and I ran. I ran while she talked. I jogged while I talked. After the conversation was done, I ran as hard as I could.
Four hours after leaving on foot from lunch, with flip flops on my feet, and nothing but my clothes, I returned home. I was not sore. I was not tired. I was alive.
How do you know you found what you were looking for?
The start here would be knowing what you are looking for. Often we know what is missing, but only from the absence. How do we know when we found the missing piece? How do we know the piece fits, as all things in life changes.
I found something this weekend and it was not myself nor my purpose. I can’t even tell you what I found, as it is not for you. Sense of our lives can only come from within. Although we are all one, and the same, the individuality of our nature is just as present.
I may know what I know, and know I am missing a lot, but it is not for me to determine the path I choose. We must all follow the path that is set in front of us. Fighting the current only wears one out, yet failure is a large part of the learning process. Life grows back stronger after the burn.
I have found a life. I have found a home. I have found a community. Or was it given to me? I certainly did not take it, nor is it mine to posses. I am a part of it, just as we are all a part of the grid. No longer do I care to rush my life. Time is all we have, but for me it is time to smell the roses. It is time for me to learn. I have a ton to learn, and there is such a short time to get it all in, but the slower you take it, the better the lesson sticks.
Life in the fast lane moves slower than the other, but the journey will take you places, and you won’t get lost.
Finding the time for yourself. It seems a laughable task. Opening up to the world is difficult when the daily grind shuts down that part of our brains. It is Friday, and those of us who succumb to the work week lifestyle, it is time to relax.
What is relaxing? I am non-stop. Even when I lay down at night to ‘sleep’, I know my day is not over. The learning, the sorting, and the connecting that goes on at night can be just as tiresome as the day. So what is relaxing? I struggle to truly ever relax. The truth about relaxing is the comfort. You need to find where you are comfortable. Whether it is chatting with friends, or walking in the woods, there needs to be a time in your day when you can truly give in.
Relaxing may be about doing less work, and taking the break from the physical. It may also be taking a break from the mental. The spiritual world seems to choose when you get your breaks. The truth in relaxing is giving into your intuition. The programming that goes on in today’s world is shutting down this part of the mind. You work, you come home and shut off the brain with alcohol and TV. Then you repeat. There is truly no time to let it flow.
That is what I love about climbing. I am not a climber at all, and do not pretend to be. I am on a journey. Bagging peaks does not even begin to describe my motivations. Relaxing does. That may not make much sense as the body is under stress in alpine situations. Any bid for a worthy objective will push one to the limit. It is also when I feel the most free.
Currently I am in the woods. Surrounded by the burnt trees of last summer’s forest fires here in British Columbia. I have a ton of work to do this weekend felling trees. I will be trying to squeeze in some fun on a new cliff nearby as well. I am always striving to find the Balance in my life and this weekend I feel blessed.