Last night I had a dream.

A real dream, not a lesson, not a meditation, not an astral projection, this was a dream.

In this dream I was in a crowd of others. Everyone was blank faced. We were being lead by adults down strange corridors. No windows. Everything was grey. Yet, these adults leading us down the maze of halls were not adults. I realized we were not kids, maybe children to them, but I was surrounded by other human adults.

The men leading us were huge. They were tall, strong, and their mental capacity was clearly much more than ours. There was only 3 men and too many of us to count. They had dark hair, dark eyes, and dark skin, yet appeared almost Caucasian.

It became apparent that these men had no good intentions for us, and no one but me cared or noticed. They were controlled like sheep. Blank faced, no emotion, no care, the people around me walked on. No one but myself was awake, alive, and understanding what was happeneing to us.

I needed to do something. Anything. Yet I am a pacifist. I have never stood up for myself. I have never stood up for another. Not once in my adult life, but I needed to do something. No one had any ability to stand up for themselves. They were being controlled by these large men. It was clear that only myself was not affected by them.

I stood up for myself. I fought. It was so unlike the old me, but there are things in life worth giving your life for. And it is life itself, as we are all one. I knew that fighting these men would be the last thing I did in my life, and that if I did not stand up for life, it would be the end for all of us anyways.

I had something in my hand. It had 3 small, and hard, tubes sticking out of the end of a handle. The tubes were different sizes, from a pencil thickness to a broom stick. They were hollow. I took an opportunity, as the men did not expect any of us to fight back. They were behind us and leading us into a room with a locking door.

I jumped on the back of the man who seemed in charge, and I began to attack the man with the instrument in my hand. It was the last effort of life in me, and it took every ounce of mental and physical strength I possesed to stop this man. I felt that it was a futile effort. I did not expect what came next.

As I was on the back of this large man, and hurting him in the neck and back with the tool, he went down. He collapsed. I don’t know if his 2 friends, or myself, was more shocked. Instantly, all of the other people with me, the blank faced, programmed, zombie sheeple, woke up. They finally understood what was happeneing to them, and we took the power.

And then I woke up.

I am sharing this with you now for multiple reasons. First is the clear indication of the cycles of life repeating. Second is the fact that we can all change. The third is the most important. The meaning behind the truth. The programming we all need to shed. The need to stand up for life. Our life. The need to stand up for others. The need to know what is really going on in this world. The need to take chances with what you believe in, what is important to your life, as what is important to you is important to others. The rewards for standing up for life is innumerable and going forwards, I will be fighting for my life and what is important to me.

It’s easy to be thankful for the things you’ve got. It takes guts to give thanks for the things you’ve lost. We grew up believing good wins over bad, so you gave away your heart but the wolves attacked. But then a bigger heart grew back.” – Craig Minowa

Welcome to hell.

If you want to choose this prison as a sentence to pain, then so be it. There are other ways to spend your time here, and for me it is escaping to the mountains.

Life goes on. Things grow. People change. The thing that gets me out of the bed in the morning is my plans. I have plans to do some serious mountains. I need to train. I need to look after myself so that I am able to follow through with what has been set up. And this is what keeps me going.

The people I meet on a day to day basis here in BC is an eye opener. Daily. It is a non-stop deal. I am constantly reminded of my place, where I am, and what life can be to those who take it on their knees.

I love that I have the escape I do. My freedom here is self chosen, and by doing so I am giving up many luxuries that many could not deal with. I do not have a TV. A computer. Not even wifi. My days are spent on foot. I live this life, finding epic daily. I strive to have fun, but also be prepared.

Life is truly what you make it. This place is a prison, but it is the nicest one in the galaxy.

Let it flow.

Training the whole self for anything requires letting go. You can train yourself to add on muscle, skills, and knowledge. These are add-ons. There is an aspect of training that trains oneself to go with the flow.

Getting into the zone, where intuition leads and instinct follows, is all about removing the blocks that we have built up inside of us. Only once we can truly find our own zone, by letting go, will we be able to build a stable platform in ourselves.

This weekend I removed blocks, to let it flow. Physically, externally, and internally. I am looking forward to a smoother flow.

Community and standing up for your needs.

Yesterday was truly a rest day.

I did not meditate. I did not run. I sorted out the stuff on my brain, out loud, and to my mentor. It was a strange day.

I have been learning gardening from my mentor. I have been preparing to move into the woods with him, in his off grid community that burnt down in the fires of last year. I did not know that this work would become such a reality so fast.

Communities look out for each other. They offer understanding and forgiveness. You must offer the the same back to join. You must have the hope that they are able to return it, without hindering their own lives. How many times do you forgive before you stand your ground?

You should always stand your ground, but taking a step into the Left happens when your own personal safety, and needs, have been hindered by others in your community. Feeling wronged often leads one to lash out. Doing so can destroy the community, and of course yourself.

Tough love is hardest on the one who delt it. This is always the case if the individual is awake and balanced.

Software upgrade?

If your brain is a computer, and your pineal is connecting you to the grid, do you ever need a software upgrade?

The problem with this thinking, that we can somehow better ourselves with training, is that it is wrong. There is an issue within each of us. Such is the nature of humanity. The original sin if you will. We all are corrupt. If you love the bread, do you toss the whole bag when one piece has mold? If you have lived like I have, you don’t.

Every part of us is cherished. No energy can be created, nor destroyed. As many times as we, as this concious energy, have gone through the cycle, our energy is still here, hopefully growing.

We are hardly growing, or have not been. Things are changing. Times are different now. There is a hold, stagnation of sin. Stagnation of previous instinct. The Balance needed between community and the self is as ever present. The shedding of ego must go on for most of us, as we are a survival species, suffering from a catastrophic amnesia. To prevail in any hard time to come, the Balance must be found.

To find your balance on a wall, on a ridge walk, or in your life, it takes great strength. A strength that most of us do not have. Training will hardly improve us enough to make this work. Instead we must throw off the balance by leaning far past centre, into unknown territory, pushing past and letting go of the holds we feel comfortable in.

Am I training to let go? If that is a training at all, then yes. It is not always about a software upgrade to better ourselves, it is about removing the virus. Removing the limiter we place on ourselves.

Today I struggle. I am back to routine, but am dying for more. I feel like I need to be training more, yet there is nothing to be done but wait, reflect, and let go.


Today I ran barefoot. It was an experience that just happened. I take off my shoes from time to time on the trail. I did it as a kid, just not like this.

I reconnected with myself. I reconnected with nature. I reconnected with my roots.

The truth of the matter is that I was urged to do this while conversing with my favourite person in the world, if I could choose a favourite. She opened my mind, and I opened my heart to her words, and I ran. I ran while she talked. I jogged while I talked. After the conversation was done, I ran as hard as I could.

Four hours after leaving on foot from lunch, with flip flops on my feet, and nothing but my clothes, I returned home. I was not sore. I was not tired. I was alive.

Breath, sleep, recharge.

An enlightening weekend is one with smiles, laughter, and learning.

I found my mentor. I knew I was searching. He knew I was as well. I suppose we both found each other. I am his last student. I am not the same as him, nor the others.

I am reflecting on this weekend in a serious way. Not much happened besides some hard work, meditation, and some solid conversations. I did not make it to the crag. There was no summit. There was no run. My brain felt like it was exploding the entire time. My nights were filled with solid sleep and lessons. A balance was found.

A humbling ride into town set my brain at it again. I bathed. I rested. I ate protien and red foods. Fasting/limiting your physical energy intake in the mountains can be exhausting. Yet I do not feel drained. I am recharged.

I went for my run and now I sit here once again, watching the sun dissapear behind the mountains. I am reflecting on what I learnt. I am relishing on what I know is to come, not for my own enjoyment, but for I now know how to better prepare myself. Serious times and serious summits lay ahead of me on my path. I need to be ready. For myself, and the partner on the other end of the rope. There is still something missing from my life, but I found contentment. And I will wait.